Thirteen days and counting. I'm exhausted, excited, and nervous now. Like the first time I was pregnant, I suddenly realized that this baby was going to come out, whether I liked it or not. I was suddenly very afraid of the onset of labor, terrified of the unknown. How will I live through all that pain? Of course Maisey came via c-section, not naturally, and I felt like I escaped with relative ease. But now I'm a little worried about another c-section. IVs and epidurals, carving me up as if my belly were a huge jack-o-lantern. But at least I know what to expect, right?
Except things don't feel the same at all. I know every pregnancy is different. But this one is as different from the last as it could be. I'm a walking zombie, and I'm getting about 7-8 hours of sleep a night. Most of this baby's movements cause discomfort or pain, so it's hard to enjoy the arm or foot swimming across my stomach when it makes me nauseous, or jabs an organ, or stretches my already stretched uterus. And I've reached my tolerance of the ever-increasing indigestion. Now I understand why some women lose weight in the last couple of weeks--eating causes so much pain that I don't want to eat again until the baby's born. But 13 days is too long to go without eating anything. So I'll take one (every time I eat something) for the team.
My biggest worry is that I'll actually go into labor before the scheduled c-section. I'm tired and cranky, but at least I know when this will be over, and my niece and mom will be here, as planned, to help out. Most women--God bless them--wait and wait until labor begins, whenever that may be. No planning there. I should feel very lucky that I know what's in store for me. I'm doing my best to just follow the routine for the next two weeks, biding my time. But every pain, every contraction, gives me pause.
The one thing I'm really worried about is how we're going to manage the change. Maisey is the big unknown. How is she going to handle Mommy being in the hospital? Will she behave for Nanny and Jamie? How is she going to greet her new sister? Will she want to pet this baby the way she does all the other babies she sees? Will she be jealous when she sees Mommy nursing, or Daddy cuddling the new baby? How will we handle her reactions? I hope I have enough love and patience (and sleep) to manage all the new challenges that will surely be heading my way. I guess this is normal too, though I see my friends with two or more children and everything seems so comfortable, so easy. I don't see the doubt or worry in them that is so apparent with me.
I guess I keep coming back to the same thought: If there's one constant in parenting, it's change. Everything changes. My only preparation is to be open, and take each day as it comes.
