Adjustments

We're baffled by the ups and downs. Evie slept on oxygen all night, then she had a three hour nap today at 98-100. Even during her second "snooze" she was snoring in her bouncy chair at a respectable 97-98. So why when it's bedtime does she drop to 90-93? It's just deflating to go all day with such a feeling of accomplishment for her, thinking that maybe this is the day she'll go off the oxygen again, and then watch my hopes fall with her numbers. I guess I'm learning again about the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. But I still hope and pray that she improves.

Meanwhile, Maisey and I are about to go crazy in the house. She's gone about three months now without wearing clothes all day. I guess I'm getting lazy, knowing that we're not going anywhere. Why bother, I think, but I'm sure I'll regret not trying later. Now when she's cold, instead of putting her clothes on, she reaches for a blanket. How do I convince her to get dressed?

We really are learning how to cope being at home, and in rebuilding our bond that seemed to fall apart when Evie was born. I'm trying to set aside as much play time with her as possible--whenever Evie is content or sleeping, so that Maisey gets her fair share too. In part it's possible because a routine is finally emerging; Evie's sleeping and eating more regularly, and I'm figuring out how and when to snatch time to do dishes, cook, clean, and relax. I have decided that the house will be a disaster area most days, because it's more important to spend that time with the girls. And I can see the improvement already. But we're not there yet. I feel like we have a few steps to get back to where we were before Evie was born. It was such a hard time, no one could have prepared us for it, and I just wish I could have done better. Maisey still causes mischief--more from being cooped up or bored than anything, but we're both adjusting. She's been asking to go somewhere a lot lately--a sign I think that being at home all the time is starting to get old. But with Evie's condition improving much more slowly, and the nearly two feet of snow outside, we're not planning on going anywhere anytime soon.