Mommy Tantrum

We live through them every day for years with each little one, and when the tantrums subside, the whining takes over. So why can't I have a turn?

Why can't Santa and his freakin elves be real? Seriously. Moving Crumpet every night and coming up with cutesy things for him to bring the girls is exhausting. If it was the only thing I had to do, I could easily come up with hugely creative and charming elf things every day of the month. But I am a stay-at-home mom. And I already have a thousand other things to do.

Let's talk about Santa. I'd LOVE to have the fat man help out. It's easy enough: my kids checked and circled almost everything in the toy catalog, and then narrowed it down to the top three in their letters to Santa. So why can't he come through for me, just this once?

Since gifts don't magically appear under the tree (don't tell my kids!), I have to shop for gifts from Santa while my three-year old is there with me. Talk about stress. And not that I don't appreciate Amazon, UPS and Fed Ex and of course the Post Office, but the pressure to buy local from small businesses is high, and yet nearly impossible. And since I already have a thousand other things to do, each package that's delivered sends a shiver of guilt through my conscience. Yes, the guilt never ends.

I wish Dora would slap that freakin Swiper Fox. I just watched an episode with my daughters, and let me tell you I was outraged. No wonder I have to repeat myself three times before my kids will listen to me. Talk about driving mommy to the brink! I might have to ban this kind of insubordinate programming from my house.

To whatever organ or gland is in charge of my emotions: Stop the psychotic flood and drought of hormones that make me behave like a completely unstable lunatic! It might be funny to you, but my girls are asking almost on a daily basis if mommy's pee is pink.

And while I've regressed to random peeves, why do I always run out of something the day after I've been to the grocery store? Try carrying a sleeping preschooler through a grocery store for a dozen eggs or loaf of bread. You already have drive thru pharmacies. Is it impossible to push groceries through that same window? Or how about a delivery service? This is the 21st century people, get me some delivery!

So this is what a mommy tantrum feels like. Ugh. Off to my room for a time out.