Party Of One

Maisey asked me to get some part of a costume for her and I told her she could find it downstairs in the game room, in the costume box.

"But I don't want to go downstairs!" she wailed.

"Why not?" I asked, a little distracted by whatever I was doing at that moment.

"I don't want to be alone," she wailed again.

I wasn't sure if she was serious, or if she was using that as a ploy for me to get it for her, but it made me think. Was she afraid of being downstairs, or was she afraid of being alone? And what was she afraid of?

I asked, but she just said she didn't like being alone. It makes sense for her, she's a very social girl. She loves being around people, and she's always trying to do social things. It's probably the motivating factor that gets her to school each morning. But I believe being alone sometimes is one of the best things we can do for ourselves.

Don't get me wrong. I love to be social too. I love parties and events, and mommy play dates, but there's a point where my social energy runs out; kind of like when the clock strikes midnight and Cinderella has to rush out of the ball before the whole princess facade falls apart. Like Cinderella, I know that I have a limited amount of time before my glossy social veneer dulls (or at least I think it's glossy).

Sometimes I just get tired or overwhelmed, or I've had one too many, and I say something that I thought was witty, but then I'm the only one laughing. Or worse, I don't say anything when I should have, because I can't hear or just don't get the joke at all (call it a generation gap, or that I'm just getting old), and the awkward silence ensues.

So for me, alone time is necessary. I need that time to regroup. I spend that time browsing a book store or grooming my horse, or sitting quietly at home reading a book or looking at photos. I even enjoy dining out alone. I know the thought of that makes some people break into a cold sweat, but I actually like going to a restaurant alone. Maybe I enjoy it more now because I don't get to do it very often. There's nothing wrong with being alone. It gives me time to hear myself think and to contemplate things, to take in the rest of the world. It helps me center myself so I can be who I am. And then it's easier to be myself in the company of others.