Decisions, Decisions

When I was a kid, people used to ask, What do you want to be when you grow up? What did I say? Doctor? Lawyer? Teacher?

No.

I wanted to be Queen.

Well, the royal thing didn't pan out, but I'm pondering this question all over again. Why? Evie starts kindergarten next year and I will be home alone. So what do I want to do with myself?

Go back to work?

Go back to school?

Start a business?

Write a book?

I have been thinking a lot about all of these options. Part of me wants to work, to be a productive part of society, to contribute to my family (men aren't the only ones with that drive you know), and feel like I'm doing something with my life and using my education to help make the world a better place. Or at least a place where people use they're, their, and there correctly, and don't sprinkle apostrophes through text and advertisements like pixie dust.

A part of me wants to go back to school. There are so many subjects I want to learn more about. I think I'd have a hard time deciding the next degree I'd pursue. I love interior design, architecture, languages, and history. Maybe a PhD? Maybe.

What about my idea of a cool internet cafe on an underserved side of town where I can sit and contemplate solutions to life's problems (read: my own problems) surrounded by beautiful antiques, thousands of good books and comfy chairs. I'd even share this space with like minded individuals who want good coffee, the internet, good books and a little solitude.

Or what about all those children's books my kids have inspired. Or the lives my horses, dogs and cats have led. Those would be good kid stories too, I think. And of course, what writer doesn't have the manuscript for the Great American Novel tucked away in a trunk somewhere? I'd love to publish them all.

Or could I actually become the uber Stay-At-Home-Mom, able to manage the house, the kids, the husband, and have time to delve back into my hobbies and passions--horses, gardening and yoga?

Whatever I do, I feel like it should make the world a better place. Inspire people for the better. But that's a tall order. Maybe I should start with what I can actually achieve.

I'll start with another cup of coffee. I'm going to need a lot of time to contemplate this.